Water bottles found to contain dangerously high levels of water

Washington (AP) -- The National Busybodies Program has asked the government to reconsider its stance on the levels of water it finds acceptable in water bottles used by the public, today. Water bottles are used throughout the country in a range of settings to to contain and transport water, but recent research performed by the NBP at their mom's house makes them think that the levels of water in some water bottles is dangerously high.

Water, otherwise known as dihydrogen monoxide, has been linked to a bloated, "sloshy" feeling at high levels and can cause people to "have to go potty" at an increased rate. Although most people are aware of the implicit dangers to high water levels, most of them feel capable as rational human beings to manage their own risks, in this regard.

The NBP however, finds the lack of hysteria in the everyday American's life to be troubling. It said: "Although the evidence for our concern is almost non-existent, we feel it is well within our rights as federal advisory body to whip people up into some blind panic over the latest health fad worry. Your tax dollars have never been so well spent."

The government's position did not falter until, in the hearing, the NBP produced its most damning piece of evidence as to the danger of water levels in water bottles: a piece of paper with the word "danger" hastily scribbled on it in red marker pen.

The government has responded that, when faced with this considerable and compelling piece of evidence, it saw little option than to stop people drinking water from water bottles and only allow them to consume it from state regulated vessels.